Princess MeowsePad's Guide on How to Get the Girl

Being a princess, I believe I have a lot of advice to offer to the males of this forum when it comes to winning a girl's heart. There are basically only three steps: preparing, baiting, and reeling her in.

Step 1: Preparing

Before you even think about trying to win over the heart of a princess, you must turn yourself into a true wizard. Remember: you've been training for your whole life for this moment. What kind of girl wouldn't want you? You have an impressive katana collection, encyclopedic knowledge of every anime known to man, and over six thousand hours of playtime in World of Warcraft (in the first year alone)! Since you are more accustomed to learning things from the Internet rather than going out and gaining new experiences, there are actually very good games that can teach you how to win the heart of a woman. These games are:

1. Leisure Suit Larry: This game follows a genius named Larry who is adept at picking up women. You can learn from the way he talks to the women and even from the way he dresses. Who wouldn't want to date a guy who wears a leisure suit that he bought in the mid-1970s, even when he sleeps?
2. SimGirls: This game is unique because it allows you to practice interacting with cute women directly. It's also based on an anime, so it's right up your alley as well. Instead of watching videos of anime girls on shady Internet websites, you can watch anime girls in this game, and you will even learn from it!
3. Any MMORPG with a chat function like Runescape or World of Warcraft: This may seem like a long shot, but there are actually many female participants in these virtual sandboxes. Here are some actual images of the interactions between males and females in these games:

Step 2: Baiting

Once you have sufficiently prepared yourself for the journey ahead, the time has come to attract the attention of a female. Since you are still a novice, I would highly recommend doing this step in a virtual environment. Think of it as a World of Warcraft raid. You don't want to rush in and pull a Leroy Jenkins. You want to execute a carefully planned pull so that the group doesn't wipe and start cursing at you on whatever VOIP program happens to be popular at the time.

While sites like Tinder, okcupid, and eHarmony may seem like the logical place to start when it comes to meeting females, the unfortunate reality is that the girls on those sites usually have extremely lofty expectations for their prospective partners like careers, acceptable personal hygiene, long-term goals, and even a working automobile. What do they know? It's not like you take money, cars, and houses with you when you die; you will, however, take the sense of accomplishment that came from the moment that you hit level 110 a full day before anyone else on the server!

Since girls on those mainstream dating websites are too outrageous with their expectations, you will probably want to focus on sites like Omegle and Chatous. Be careful, though: many pleasant and attractive girls on those sites may turn out to be spambots or trolls! Be extremely wary if she's not ready to send you extremely revealing photos of herself within seconds of meeting you. If she won't do that, she's probably not who she says she is!

Step 3: Reeling her in

Congratulations! You've made it through the hardest steps, and you now have a girl who is interested in you! Think of it this way: the first steps were like gearing up, assembling your party, and progressing through the dungeon to the final boss. Now, all you have to do is slay the final boss and collect your loot!

However, not all of the challenge is over. This next step will potentially involve engaging in video chat with your newly found sweetie over services like Skype or maybe even Facebook if you're extremely brave. There are a few things you have to do before you are ever ready for any encounter that could show your real life appearance, your voice, and your dwelling.

Let's start with the hardest one: it's time to give your bedroom a good cleaning. Since you live in a four-bedroom house in the suburbs with your parents and numerous cats, you should enlist their help if at all possible. It's a big job that will certainly be easier with more than one person. Just tell your mom that she might finally get grandchildren after thirty-seven long years of waiting. Be sure to get rid of all the Mountain Dew cans, Doritos bags, used tissues, and dirty underwear. For some reason, not all girls enjoy looking at these things strewn about. Don't worry, though: as soon as you end the video call, you can feel free to fuel up with your Mountain Dew brand soda and Doritos brand potato chips once again. This is just temporary.

Another thing that you will have to do that may be extremely unpleasant is take a shower or a bath. Since the water will probably burn your skin at first, I would highly recommend starting with a shower. You may need a bath afterwards as well to get the dirt that the shower could not remove. As much as you do not want to do so, you will need to use soap and shampoo.

After you have cleaned up your dwelling and your appearance, you should practice speaking in a casual manner. It's probably been a while since you've spoken since you have been too busy in your room playing World of Warcraft and watching copious amounts of sketchy anime. You may wish to do some singing warm-ups as well just in case your prospective sweetheart wants to hear you sing to her. When you can complete a reasonably lengthy sentence without a single coughing fit, you are probably ready to go.

Once you have completed all of those steps, you are ready to get in front of the webcam! Be sure to show your prospective lover your prized MMX Pentium machine running Windows 95 and your original EverQuest dragon figurines. She'll love them!

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