Princess MeowsePad's Comprehensive FP Guide
Note: This guide probably will not make sense if you are not a member of Forum Promotion. I am sharing it largely for amusement.
If you are reading this, congratulations! It means that you aspire to become the best, kawaiiest poster on FP. The bad news is this: that's my title. Sorry! However, if you follow this guide to the letter, you could quite possibly achieve FP greatness that approaches mine but stops just short of it! In fact, if you follow even half of this guide with acceptable fidelity, I guarantee that you will be one of the most revered members of FP in only seven to twelve business days! Read on to learn about how I became an FP princess.
Step 1: Connections
One of the most important things to do when you are trying to dominate FP is to maintain a cordial relationship with every single staff member. After all, they are the people who decide whether your borderline spam posts remain available for public consumption! Look at my case, for example:
1. @John is my dad.
2. @MasterA is my mom.
3. @Hissae2 is my long-lost adopted son.
4. @Cosmic and @Gio are my grandparents.
5. @Grimalkin and @Kaynil are my beloved sisters.
6. @Golddisk and @Joshua Farrell are my semi-insane uncles.
At first glance, you may be thinking, "Wow, that family tree is completely screwed up. Your dad is younger than your sisters!" Thank you for pointing that out, but that is beside the point! The point is that I have the FP staff in my back pocket, and you can as well! Here's how you do it:
1. Post tons of semi-serious feedback topics with emojis and kitty pictures. They love it!
2. Spam their profile pages with obscure Spongebob references.
3. Repeatedly donate 0.1 FP Cash to them. This will attract their attention.
4. Follow them on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, Skype, Discord, and other trendy websites that all the kids are on these days. Hell, enter their houses through the back door and eat all the food out of their refrigerators. You are a celebrity, after all.
Step 2: Presentation of Yourself
On Forum Promotion, your primary media for self-expression are:
1. your avatar,
2. your signature,
3. profile comments and statuses, and
4. (less importantly) the content of your posts.
The most important one, as you can see from the list above, is your avatar. Your avatar should be something heart-warming and kawaii like an anime princess or a precious kitty. These kinds of avatars will catch the eyes of other posters on Forum Promotion and lead you to become a household name faster than Donald Trump achieved majority disapproval in every poll and Hillary Clinton made the threatening phone call to score that Sanders endorsement.
Less important than the avatar but still extremely important is your signature. While you should use your avatar to express the beauty within your heart, the signature is a space to express the darkness lurking within your soul. Take my signature for example:
This signature sufficiently expresses the fact that I am, in fact, an emotionally broken person struggling to survive each day in a four-bedroom house in the suburbs. My stock portfolio contains numbers that have not yet been discovered, yet there is a sharp pain in my soul. Every morning, I break my arms, and every afternoon I break my legs. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep. I perform Satanic rituals on a regular basis praying that my one true lord, Lucifer, will take me out of this existential nightmare.
Profile statuses and comments are other vitally important parts of your self-expression on FP. The beauty of these is that they do not have to be literary genius. In fact, they do not have to make any sense whatsoever. They can be one word, or they can be several words. The only limitation is that you only have 140 characters to play with. However, if it works for Donald Trump, it should work for you as well!
The least important part of your self-expression on Forum Promotion is the content of your posts. While this is the least important part, it can still help if you need one more little push to propel you into FP greatness. The only real law governing your posts on Forum Promotion is that they should either give the illusion that your shift key does not exist or the illusion that your Caps Lock key is busted. In other words, they should either contain nothing but lowercase letters or no lowercase letters at all. Anything in between is unacceptable. You should use at least three to seven emojis per post, even if your post is only one word (which most of your posts definitely should be). Kitty pictures and Impact font memes are also bonuses. Just go full on 1997 with your posts, and you should be in good shape.
Step 3: Your Site
While having a website (or a forum) may not seem important to your success on Forum Promotion, it definitely helps. However, having the right kind of site is vital. It may seem like you would want a site with flashy graphics, tons of content, and a wonderful community. However, that is not the case at all. The best kinds of sites to feed your attention addiction are sites like these:
These sites are devoid of any content, complex graphics, and compliance with HTML 4.1 or above. This will make the sites load in an instant even on a 14.4k connection used in conjuction with Internet Explorer 3 on Windows 95. The text-heavy layout also ensures compatibility with the 640x480 resolution, which is extremely important in
Be sure to enter lots of battles as well. Your loyal followers will propel you to victory each and every time, further increasing your Forum Promotion fame!
Step 4: Profit
If you follow even one of the steps in this guide, you are a shoo-in for FP stardom! Once you achieve the status of being an FP legend, though, be sure to conduct yourself with the utmost humility. Be a MeowsePad.
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